


red vs blue

by rubiesanddiamonds



Series: i get by with a little help from my friends [5]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Body Modification, Crack Treated Seriously, F/M, M/M, a new bet is made, all in a days work as they say, hunk has a minor breakdown, matt is forever elle woods, space dad goes away, the boys are rebellious
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-11
Updated: 2017-09-05
Packaged: 2018-11-12 20:04:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 15,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11169102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rubiesanddiamonds/pseuds/rubiesanddiamonds
Summary: hunky dory: Shiro come home soon pleaseSpace dad: I've just landed Hunk.hunky dory: And you're gone for how long?Space dad: Four days, three nights. Don't worry. I believe in you.hunky dory: I don't believe in myself





	1. its a blanket fort and missing dad day

**Author's Note:**

> alternately titled 'space dad goes away. cue scene where my hear tbreaks'
> 
> sorry abt the impromptu hiatus !! am awful, but life is hard and there are only 24 hours in a day. hopefully yall have been generally okay, and these dumb kids can make u smile!!

**gay in space to pigwidgeon (06:23)**

**gay in space:** hey pidge

**gay in space:** like

**gay in space:** not to

**gay in space:** offend you or anything

**gay in space:** but its nearly been a week

**gay in space:** and 

**gay in space:** youre kind of starting to smell?

**gay in space:** and like

**gay in space:** alluras worried

**gay in space:** yeah i mean

**gay in space:** just wanted to make sure youre okay

 

**Space dad to the responsible ones (07:54)**

**Space dad:** I'm going to be going to DC for a training course this weekend. Can you two be in charge till I get back?

**coranasaurus rex:** We can most certainly try!

**hunky dory:** Don't worry Shiro, your main men have got this.

 

**Space dad to Space family (Sparkles )(Milky Way ) (08:32)**

**Space dad:** Okay kids, mom and uncle coran are in charge while I’m away.

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** no fair im older why is hunk in charge

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** im way more of a leader

**Space dad:** Allura I don’t question your leadership abilities, I question your responsibility.

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** fair

**gay in space:** shit its this weekend

**gay in space:** lol time flies when you spend most of it Disassociating

**pigwidgeon:** relate

**Space dad:** Why, do you need me for something?

**gay in space:** no lol its cool i just didn’t realise it was this weekend

**gay in space:** like i knew you were going away just thought it was still not for another week or so

**Space dad:** Keith I told you two weeks ago that I would be going away.

**gay in space:** shiro i mean you tell me that but i’m still sure you told me like three days ago

**pigwidgeon:** time has no concept anyway who gives a shit

**pigwidgeon:** basically we are without a space dad this weekend

**pigwidgeon:** one responsible one down two to go

**gay in space:** pidge he’s not dead

**pigwidgeon:** but the irresponsible ones have more control

**pigwidgeon:** their force is weakening

 

**man with the memes to Space family (Sparkles ) (Milky Way ) (09:12)**

**man with the memes:** oh shit i forgot dad was leaving

**man with the memes:** quick dads out of state lets say naughty words

**pigwidgeon:** tax evasion

**Space dad:** I’m not out of state yet.

**pigwidgeon:** i definitely pay taxes and do not generate income through coding fake credit cards

**Space dad:** Is it too much to ask that one of you don't break the law?

**man with the memes:** i mean i dont really

**man with the memes:** unless you count it a crime to have looks as good as mine

**Space dad:** I don’t.

**pigwidgeon:** aburn

 

**man with the memes to gay in space (09:35)**

**man with the memes:** keith dads gone lets be rebels

**gay in space:** by what

**gay in space:** having more sex in his bed

**man with the memes:** well

**man with the memes:** i mean im down if you are

**man with the memes:** but i thought something more along the lines of

**man with the memes:** dads away and we are adults with money 

**gay in space:** debatable

**man with the memes:** alright we are hardly adults and we dont have any money

**man with the memes:** but like styll

**man with the memes:** lets go get piercings or tattoos or somethin

**man with the memes:** i want my nose pierced

**man with the memes:** come with me

**man with the memes:** get one too

**man with the memes:** but like

**man with the memes:** not your nose

**man with the memes:** WB UR TONGUE XOXO

**gay in space:** i dont have the patience to eat soup and not suck your dick for like three weeks no matter how fly and useful it would be

**man with the memes:** keith u cant just say thesethings goddamn it

**gay in space:** ill see 

**gay in space:** maybe like an ear one

**man with the memes:** BORING

**gay in space:** not lobe like one of the weird ear ones through the middle or something 

**gay in space:** quite like them

**gay in space:** girl at work has loads and one is like through the inside of her cartilage in her ear

**gay in space:** looks hardcore as fuck man

**man with the memes:** google ear piercing chart im sure theyll have some stuff

**gay in space:** i’m only getting the most hardcore looking ones

**man with the memes:** as i would expect of you

**gay in space:** alright i like the rings but not hardcore or deep enough into the cartilage of my ear for my tastes

**gay in space:** oh wait this ones nice

**gay in space:[orbital.jpg](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/e3/b6/11/e3b611b1dcaa9caffc609acc27de337c.jpg)**

**gay in space:** it’s a ring but its done through an acceptably hardcore place

**man with the memes:** i think u could rock a big captive ball

**man with the memes:** silver or?

**gay in space:** black obviously

**man with the memes:** but ur hairs dark :”( silver or u dye ur hair

**gay in space:** i’m going to have to keep whatever ring they give me at the beginning anyway and its probably going to be silver so

**man with the memes:** basically ur gonna rock the silver so i win yay

**gay in space:** who said i’m even going with you?

**man with the memes:** um your whole response to this wacky shenanigans idea points to the notion that you do infact want to go and be a wacky youth with me

**gay in space:** have you even researched into this? how much is it going to cost where are we going to go etc?

**man with the memes:** i mean i was just going to google a few places nearby, you come meet me here at work, suggest we hop on a bus or u take me for a deathride on ur deathcycle and go get them done then buy some alcohol go home and drink and show off

**gay in space:** basically a huge portion of the day is going to be taken up by you, taking selfies with me, to post on instagram about it

**man with the memes:** snapchat too

 

**ill lure ya (to ur death) to pigwidgeon (09:58)**

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** knock knock

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** paging fort gunderson

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** rebel general princess allura wishes permission to enter

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** gonna take that groan as an affirmative

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** rebel general princess allura does not wish to be rude but would like to state that it fucking stinks in here

**pigwidgeon:** fort gunderson revokes rebel general princess alluras entry permission and has fucking banned her from fort gunderson for the rest of eternity, lay rest her soul

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** ha you always get pissed off if i call u stinky stinky

**pigwidgeon:** its my ectoplasm leaking off from the void

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** its void how does it create ectoplasm

**pigwidgeon:** void matter can leak from a void, therefore generating ectoplasm, a type of void matter according to parasychologers

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** i mean thats probably bullshit but hey ill bite 

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** ur ectoplasm smells like sweaty teenager though js

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** also i know keith messaged you and you aired him out

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** like i dont blame u but thats kinda harsh

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** hes worried

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** i mean this is the first time hes seen u in the Fort so like

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** he doesnt know how long u can actually reside in here i think

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** i mean i know four days for you is light work but 

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** maybe lets not push urself to hit three weeks again

**pigwidgeon:** i think i actually ended up staying in there more out of spite

**pigwidgeon:** i just wanted to prove i could

**pigwidgeon:** i felt like 

**pigwidgeon:** disgusting and shit

**pigwidgeon:** but i mean i feel that now and im still not moving

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** i mean same

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** i kinda feel gross being in here

**pigwidgeon:** i missed a shift and i havent called in 

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** thats not great

**pigwidgeon:** i dont care if i loose my job

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** neither do i 

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** ok no

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** financially i care but emotionally i dont

**pigwidgeon:** relatable content

**pigwidgeon:** i mean i know this is all bad and i know i should get up and do things but im in like this bubble and everything is just bouncing off me

**pigwidgeon:** everythings kind of null

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** its ok b

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** just disassociating a bit maybe

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** thats alright

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** but i think it would be good to maybe

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** eat

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** wash

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** sleep

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** rest

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** idk i mean as far as i can tell 

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** im going off keith info here

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** but like

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** i think sustenance. hydration. probably what youre needing rn

**pigwidgeon:** i brought a litre of water in here with me. its like bear grylls surviving the blanket wilderness

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** what have you even been doing

**pigwidgeon:** um

**pigwidgeon:** coded a lot

**pigwidgeon:** tried to write but my brain wasnt thinking anything up and i got frustrated

**pigwidgeon:** nearly scrapped my rpg but it's still there im just gonna take a breather

**pigwidgeon:** played a fuckton of acnl

**pigwidgeon:** redecorated my whole town and am playing it with New Morality

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** thats cool. hows your town x 

**pigwidgeon:** no weeds. not enough trees still. what fruit you got im trying to make a perfect orchard and like i could just map edit them in but like i want to landscape

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** i got peaches (Face With Stuck-Out Tongue And Winking Eye )(Face With Stuck-Out Tongue And Winking Eye )(Face With Stuck-Out Tongue And Winking Eye )

**pigwidgeon:** can i come to ur town and steal some of ur resources.

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** sure wanna help me weed it cos i aint touched it in like 6 months

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** tom nook is probably dictator now, my town hall on fire,, isabelle is screaming and tortimer is dead

**pigwidgeon:** omg can i help you Rebuild your town

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** hahaha yes of course wanna come up w me to go get it or you wanna stay down here

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** its a choice of bud or stairs

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** come on kiddo you know you want to get up

**pigwidgeon:** ah whatever. lets go

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** shower first stinky

**pigwidgeon:** fine

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** im putting on bun and cheese for when u get out

**pigwidgeon:** thanks

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** (Purple Heart ) (Purple Heart )

 

**ill lure ya (to ur death) to pigwidgeon (10:19)**

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** okay now ur out and shit gonna just apologise for being rude and calling u smelly and stuff

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** honestly the fort wasnt even that bad

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** i went in at the seventeen day mark i can handle anything tbh

**pigwidgeon:** its cool

**pigwidgeon:** i know why u were doing it im not dumb

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** i know i know just its me so sorry x

**pigwidgeon:** theres nothing to be sorry for but ok 

**pigwidgeon:** wheres my bun and cheese

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** its ready 

**pigwidgeon:** ok can u wrap it ill eat it at urs

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** yeah sure x

 

**gay in space to ill lure ya (to ur death) (11:22)**

**gay in space:** hey is pig

**gay in space:** uno

**gay in space:** not a vegetable anymore

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** theyre cool

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** theyve eaten and showered

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** were at mine now

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** tom nooks hold on my citizens is strong but soon mayors pidge and allura will usurp him

**gay in space:** all it took was animal crossing are you joking

**gay in space:** i could’ve done that!

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** dw keith theyre out now thats what matters

**gay in space:** ok if theyre good can they fckin take down the fort

**gay in space:** like it takes up half the living room and it smells and what if we have guests

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** pidge says that lance doesnt count

**gay in space:** whatever can it come down please

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** yeah we will dismantle fort gunderson once we have dismantled tom nooks capitalist dictatorship 

**gay in space:** godspeed

 

**man with the memes to Space family (Sparkles ) (Milky Way ) (15:43)**

**man with the memes:** LOOKITUS.jpg

**man with the memes:** haveueverseentwomoreflyguys.jpg

**man with the memes:** thanus.jpg

**Space dad:** Oh dear Lord

**Space dad:** Why

**man with the memes:** ur out of state we have to rebel

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** lANCE FUCK

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** HOW DO YOU SUIT A NOSE RING SO WELL

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** IM JEL

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** I WANT MINE DONE

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** i could never get anything but my lobes done when i was home my dad hated them

**man with the memes:** im goin back i want my belly hahaha come with

**man with the memes:** and i think keith liked it he was looking for ones to match his new one

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** u all got the piercing bug !!

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** how did you even afford it

**man with the memes:** well i mean im not going to be able to Live for the next month

**man with the memes:** but i got paid the other day so i can go a bit wyld

**Space dad:** Where did you get them done? Was it safe was it sterile etc?

**gay in space:** well i mean the guy used his light to burn the needle before so im sure it was fine

**man with the memes:** kEITH

**man with the memes:** hes joking we went to a good place with fresh needles in little sterile packs and the woman was so nice and she had like fifteen holes in her face it was gr8

**man with the memes:** she even gave us a lil coupon to come back!! 

**man with the memes:** so yeah i think we are going to go again next month maybe

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** im jumping in rn and im gonna get either a nose or a belly 

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** omg or my nips 

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** can u imagine how beautiful my breasts would look with added bling

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** i mean theyre art all on their own but like with the added bling it would be like Holy Shit

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** family piercing outing!!!

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** come on everyone get in on this

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** hunky u should get ur left nip done w me when i get mine

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** imma get both tho

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** but hunk u should just get one

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** it would make u look so hardcore

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** keith!!! have u considered getting a septum!!!!

**gay in space:** no because i am not a 13 year old emo girl

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** keith i cant even express how banging u would look with a septum

**man with the memes:** had to google but Agreed allura 

**man with the memes:** shae! oh my god the woman at the shop had this one through her bottom lip in the centre and i literally said to keith omg that is such a shae piercing so u should deffo get in on this too

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** do u mean this one

**ill lure ya (to ur death):[labret.jpg](https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRKuCDIK7lfXnM36poSXqTMIfzCk6EUHBhM-TD-_WJQogpYPFus)**

**man with the memes:** yeah but she had a ring not a barbell

**man with the memes:** [like this](https://thejewelerblog.files.wordpress.com/2015/10/lipcuff4.jpg)

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** ur right shae u should deffo hop in on this a labret would suit u 10/10

**man with the memes:** we gotta wait till dads home tho

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** omg yes shiro ur gettin in on this idc

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** a family that pierces together stays together 

**gay in space:** see im looking at all these hardcore ear ones

**gay in space:** but

**gay in space:** how am i going to wear my earphones

**gay in space:** i dont even think i can get it in with this one

**gay in space:** fuck

**gay in space:** why didnt i think this through

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** keith u have perfectly fine headphones??

**gay in space:** yeah but they're bluetooth and i never charge them enough and its like satan taunting me when they die on me while i’m halfway through my day

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** dont u have an aux cord that can plug into them?

**gay in space:** yeah but i broke it like three weeks after getting them 

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** im getting u an aux lead on wish u moany baby

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** red yes

**gay in space:** allura stop i’m being moany 

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** its like two dollars shut ur face

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** okay now keith is sorted go and get all the hardcore piercings you want

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** lance ur getting ur belly done with me yes????

**man with the memes:** of course bestie

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** omg

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** can we get matching best friend heart bars 

**man with the memes:** allura idk if u wanted to make me cry but im crying

**man with the memes:** if we buy them before she said she can use them as the starter

**man with the memes:** keith asked cos the loser wanted black steel instead of the silver 

**man with the memes:** even though he has to dye his hair if he wants to do that so

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** ???

**man with the memes:** dont worry

**pigwidgeon:** ill come

**pigwidgeon:** but i will only get a single lobe

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** not even one of the cooler ear piercings?

**pigwidgeon:** no

**pigwidgeon:** a single lobe

**pigwidgeon:** that is my offer

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** well i mean if it means u coming along then hell yes

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** hunk shae is perfect couple on board with our ideas??

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** hey lance wheres hunky

**man with the memes:** idk i mean we got home and no one was here it was weird af

**man with the memes:** hes not working today

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** was he in when u left?

**man with the memes:** um i left for work at like half five i dont even know

**man with the memes:** ??? keith ??? 

**gay in space:** no we got food remember because i hadnt eaten and there was no leftover breakfast from hunk

**man with the memes:** oh yeah

**man with the memes:** fuck we have had a full treat day

**man with the memes:** shit my wallet is going to be so mad at me

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** ok well they could be together 

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** so like

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** just wait?

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** we still ain't decided coran or shiros anyway

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** unkie u should hop on this belly bar wagon

**man with the memes:** omg the three musketeers but with belly bars instead of swords

**coranasaurus rex:** You bloody crazy my old scar has just healed up im not going to repierce it!

**man with the memes:** coran what

**coranasaurus rex:** I was a young man at one stage in my life you know! some may still argue i am yet to leave that stage!

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** Unkie its belly or nip wys

**coranasaurus rex:** Well i dont really want to have both pierced so i guess my two years of waiting for the hole to close were in vain.

**man with the memes:** what else do you have pierced

**coranasaurus rex:** I have two more and they arent on my ears

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** Oh my gOD unKIE NO STOP

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** CONVERSATION TERMINATED

**man with the memes:** IM CRYING

**man with the memes:** this is the first time ive ever seen allura metaphorically leave the chat

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** (im not here i wouldve left if i couldve)

 

**hunky dory to the responsible ones (16:04)**

**hunky dory:** Shiro come home soon please

**Space dad:** I've just landed Hunk.

**hunky dory:** And you're gone for how long?

**Space dad:** Four days, three nights. Don't worry. I believe in you.

**hunky dory:** I don't believe in myself

 

**hunky dory to Space family (Sparkles ) (Milky Way ) (16:07)**

**hunky dory:** Lance oh my God this is why I can’t ever leave the flat

**hunky dory:** I spend ONE night at my girlfriend’s and THIS is the shit you pull?!

**man with the memes:** moom u dont get it this is who i am now

**man with the memes:** the sudden abandonment of both my space parents got me fucked up

**gay in space:** yeah nothing like being suddenly abandoned by both your real parents lol

**hunky dory:** OH NO KEITH YOU AREN’T PULLING THE ORPHAN BULLSHIT. I’M MAD AT YOU TOO

**hunky dory:** Your space mom is allura and she doesn’t give a crap if you get a dumbass hole in your ear that could shatter your entire cartilage

**hunky dory:** BUT I DO 

**hunky dory:** And your live under OUR communal roof 

**hunky dory:** SO YOU’RE BOTH IN TROUBLE

**hunky dory:** And no we are Not doing a family piercing outing Allura do not try to encourage this reckless and stupid behaviour

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** come on hunk u know they look cool

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** and get over it its happening

**hunky dory:** Why on earth would I pay someone to poke a hole in me. Why would I pay someone to hurt me. The whole concept is ridiculous to me. Y’all fools

**real slim-shaedy:** hunky sh. lance i think you look wonderful and keith, very hardcore! while i cant promise mr no needles over here will participate, i’m in! though i tend to generally think a face piercing would be a bit much, i really like the one you suggested earlier! i had a scroll through and think if i can save up enough i will definitely be a part.

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** yayyyyy shae

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** comeonnnn hunkerson its just a widdle needle

**hunky dory:** Babe no don't let them get you. They all caught up in some weird pain juju mess that I want no part of.

**hunky dory:** And Lance, the house better be spotless when I’m home. Keith, you’re over enough to know where everything’s kept. Put away that pile of laundry of his that’s been stacking up for the past month, it’s like a scale replica of Everest in there

**man with the memes:** its all clean!! i just like to do fashion shows and try on fifteen different outfits before i settle on fucking jeans and a shirt

**hunky dory:** Spotless!

**man with the memes:** okay okay

 

**ill lure ya (to ur death) to lol when these dumb bois gettin together (16:56)**

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** howmany.jpg

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** shittynames.jpg

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** ishegoingtomake.jpg

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** beforehefuckingcaves.jpg

**pigwidgeon:** i have lance blocked so i dont see his shitty posts why are you sending them here

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** pidge u liked the photos shut the fuck up u faker

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** but fr this is getting ridiculous

**pigwidgeon:** …

**pigwidgeon:** i have an idea to propose

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** go on

**pigwidgeon:** something that may

**pigwidgeon:** how you say

**pigwidgeon:** spice up

**pigwidgeon:** this fairly uninteresting waiting game

**pigwidgeon:** i propose

**pigwidgeon:** a new bet

**hunky dory:** Nuhhuh. No way. Nada. Veeto. No.

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** ohoho no im interested now

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** pidge share with us ur owl wisdom!! What do you have in mind >;)

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** imagine me cackling over a bubbling stovepot doing witchy things

**pigwidgeon:** i propose three bets, that tie into the ultimate bet of

**pigwidgeon:** ‘when will these dumb bois get together’

**pigwidgeon:** a bet of creativity, a bet of time, and a bet of courage

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** i like it i like it

**hunky dory:** I’m not on board with this

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** okay lets map out the terms

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** quick lemme add matty he can do this all in a Legal Binding contract !!!

**ill lure ya (to ur death) added meet matte to the group.**

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** elle we got a case for ya!

**meet matte:** is this the klance gc

**meet matte:** you guys are so sad i dont want part of this

**pigwidgeon:** we like to call it living vicariously through others

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** lol don’t be a hater just be an appreciator

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** Now we are making a Legal Binding bet

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** we had a previous Bet that will be snubbed in the name of this New bet created by legal standards

**hunky dory:** Hey no

**hunky dory:** We're holding out on that

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** no hunky b we will add it into the new bet

**hunky dory:** Okay but we have to stick with what we had first

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** fuck.

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** kay i have like two days left i can meddle enough to get them to be boyfriends in that time

**hunky dory:** Alright Allura

**meet matte:** so the terms of this Legal Binding Bet are?

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** okay so the Boyfriend clause

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** from the date may 12th we all bet that the two in question, keith kogane and lance mcclain , would be, as I put it,, ‘boyfies’

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** pidge gunderson holt bet 2 months

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** i bet 4 mnths

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** and hunk the hunk hunkerson bet 6

**hunky dory:**  Allura that isn't my name

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** who know what your name is hunky

**pigwidgeon:** the pet name clause.

**pigwidgeon:** each of us will bet on a number of different names they will use to call each other until they are official. we are also allowed to give three stupid names we think they will resort to

**pigwidgeon:** babe, boo, baby, bae etc are excluded on the basis that they are Basic and Not funny

**hunky dory:** And finally, the caving clause. We will bet on who we think will cave and be man enough to ask.

**meet matte:** okay i’m typing all this up in format as we speak.

**meet matte:** sooffical.jpg

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** omg it has a watermark and stamp of authenticity and everything!

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** how much are we talking? is it big bucks?

**hunky dory:** I think we stick with the $20 for the Boyfriend clause

**pigwidgeon:** $5 a pet name?

**pigwidgeon:** $10 for the winner of the petname clause. whoever gets closest wins.

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** okay im going for lucky no 14

**pigwidgeon:** id say were gonna get a few repeats, and if we arent including basic ones, im going with 5

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** oh Shit i forgot oh no can i change

**pigwidgeon:** nope

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** fuck

**hunky dory:** I’m gonna hit that 7 because I believe in their ability to reuse names but still be inventive enough to make up ridiculous ones.

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** and finally, the deciding clause

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** the clause that can make or break the relationships in this family

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** the caving clause.

**hunky dory:** I'm saying big bucks.

**pigwidgeon:** how big?

**hunky dory:** Fifty dollars big.

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** oh shit he went in

**hunky dory:** I have utter faith in my boy. Lance has got this in the bag

**pigwidgeon:** are you joking that little pussy wont ask. keith will

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** ooooo its getting jusiccccccyyy!!!

**hunky dory:** If you believe in Keith so much why aren't you rushing to bet on him? Don’t talk big if you can't live up, kiddo

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** O SHIT

**pigwidgeon:** YOURE FUCKING ON HUNK KEITH WILL ASK LANCE I BELIEVE IN HIM. MY ROOMMATE WILL DEFEAT YOURS

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** MATT ARE YOU GETTING ALL OF THIS!!

**meet matte:** ITS BEEN TRANSCRIBED RIGHT NOW

**meet matte:** can i get in on this? i wanna back my boy keith

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** ooo lets make this even more interesting

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** the make or break clause is open bet

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** it will be a showdown like no other

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** a final battle of red vs blue

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** the rivals of wits go head to head one last time

**pigwidgeon:** when you put it like that it sounds as though keiths gonna win, dont you think hunk?

**hunky dory:** I believe in Lance. You can’t shake a bond like ours with petty words.

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** im adding the squad

**ill lure ya (to ur death)** **added Space dad, real slim shae-dy, coranasaurus** **rex**

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** roll up scroll up and place your bets if ur down people!!

**Space dad:** My money is obviously on Keith.

**real slim shae-dy:** mine shall go on lance! i like to root for the underdog

**coranasaurus rex:** Ill go for lance too. i think he could pull it out of the bag! Hes a top notch lad.

**meet matte:** allura. you’re the decider. will you put the odds in favour of keith or lance?

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** ooo. idk

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** lance is my bestie

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** (other than u matty  (Purple Heart )(Purple Heart ))

**meet matte:** (Sparkling Heart ) (Sparkling Heart )

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** but keiths like my son

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** and i dont live with either of them

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** sooooooo

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** okay im sorry keith but i gotta root for my bff.

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** TEAM BLUE GO  (Blue Heart )

**hunky dory:** (Blue Heart )

**real slim shae-dy:** (Blue Heart )

**coranasaurus rex:** (Blue Heart )

**pigwidgeon:** you guys are all going down

**meet matte:** keith’s winning this

**Space dad:** Of course he is. He's not good at emotions but he's even worse at hiding things. He won't last much longer.

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** i cant wait to spend the money on a guuudman q when my bff wins

**pigwidgeon:** okay theres one extra person on team lance how are we going to work this out

**real slim shae-dy:** it is okay! hunk and i shall unite as one and work as a unit to meddle. therefore, we will split the fifty dollars into twenty five each

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** when will ur s/o ever…..

**hunky dory:** I'm cool because I'll be getting $20 from Allura anyway

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** the cut off point isn’t until mid october if we go by halfsies!

**hunky dory:** okay allura. you know ive got this in the bag tho.

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** >:(

**meet matte:** are we all cool with this bet??

**pigwidgeon:** yes. go team red. lets kick keith up the ass and tell him to grow up and deal with things like Love

**meet matte:** team red!!

**Space dad:** Team red!

**hunky dory:** team blue we got this!

**coranasaurus rex:** team blue!!

**real slim shae-dy:** team blue! go lance!

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** my babes knows how this shit works. i know lance. blue team is winning.

**meet matte:** Finished.jpg

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** email it to me!! will xerox it and frame it xx

**ill lure ya (to ur death) changed the group name to 'red vs blue'**

 

**gay in space to man with the memes (18:12)**

**gay in space:** hey babe

**man with the memes:** hey bbbbbbb xx whats up

**gay in space:** im lying here with some old playlist on and god do i just wanna fuck you to so many songs 

**man with the memes:** like all star by smash mouth?

**gay in space:** were fucking over i can't even believe you 

**gay in space:** i'm trying to be sexy and you fucking pull out the shrek memes, the biggest turn off of all?

**man with the memes:** i thought that was shiro getting down and dirty

**gay in space:** its like you don't ever want to have sex with me ever again

**man with the memes:** im sorry im sorry i will Stop

**man with the memes:** what songs baby

**man with the memes:** because im not sure if i can get it up to songs about feeling the hate and killing people then building rockets

**gay in space:** i'm so fucking done with you go find someone else to entertain you

**man with the memes:** this is the payback for turning all my Traumas into emo things

**gay in space:** whatever you're the one thats missing out tbh

**gay in space:** i'm hard and lonely and have a spliff

**gay in space:** was gonna ask if you wanted to come down but no i think i'm good

**gay in space:** i'll have this as a persi i have my phone and hand

**man with the memes:** no i want to be Part o This

**man with the memes:** im jooooining

**gay in space:** pidge won’t let you in

**gay in space:** i told them not to just now

 

 **gay in space to pigwidgeon  (18:20)**  

**gay in space:** pig don’t let lance in

**pigwidgeon:** why would i let that asshole in

**gay in space:** true

 

**man with the memes to gay in space (18:21)**

**man with the memes:** keith nooooo u know u want fun sexi times with me not ur hand

**gay in space:** no cos see my hand doesn’t talk and you do. and all that comes out of your mouth is memes and bullshit

**man with the memes:** thats true but u like me anyway so 

**gay in space:** eh debatable

**man with the memes:** keithhhhhhhhhh

**man with the memes:** baaaaaaaabe

**gay in space:** what

**man with the memes:** let me in

**gay in space:** are you actually outside 

**man with the memes:** dude i came down as soon as i read the message i want to fuck you to so many songs

**gay in space:** ffs you’re impossible

**man with the memes:** why are we always the opposite of come over my parents arent home

**gay in space:** because we’re a big family and have like 4 parents and a pidge

**gay in space:** i’m coming now x

**man with the memes:** (Blue Heart )

 

**man with the memes to gay in space (20:43)**

**man with the memes:** omg keith guess what happened the other day?

**gay in space:** what

**man with the memes:** some 

**man with the memes:** BODY ONCE TOLD ME THE WORLD IS GONNA ROLL ME

**man with the memes:** I AINT THE SHARPESOhakxlcodkr fl

**man with the memes:** keotj skfoop

**man with the memes:** nooooApp

 

**ill lure ya (to ur death) to Space dad (01:32)**

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** shiro!! space auntie is the new Responsible one i got pig outta their cave arent u proud

**Space dad:** So proud. Well done.

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** they were in there for a while

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** hope they okay

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** they didnt talk to me, as per

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** but i think feelings jam would be too much for them

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** but they ate and washed and we had a spliff and dismantled tom nooks fascist capitalist regime in the town of altea

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** and then we took down the fort after keith complained

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** and they called work and told them they were ill and have a shift tomorrow so

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** good things good things

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** hows it where u are have u landed are u on the plane

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** does ur plane have wifi is it fancy like that

**Space dad:** No, I landed while ago. I’ve just checked in at the hotel.

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** you shouldve text !! to say you were safe !! i told you!!

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** reCIEPTS.jpg

**Space dad:** I’m sorry, I was about to, but you beat me to it with your good news.

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** lol ok ur forgiven

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** how is our grand capital state

**Space dad:** It is cold and wet and not home.

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** oh my god big baby boy shiro it ok

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** theres sun and prosecco and hot babes waiting for u back here

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** i mean im one of the hot babes but jenna at work misses u 

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** and shes deffo a babe

**Space dad:** The only good thing that can come of this trip is it ending.

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** hey now stop being so negative nelly

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** its fUN its leaRNING NEW THINGS its tRAINING!

**Space dad:** No, it’s a bunch of higher ups fucking us around and ignoring us because we ‘aren’t as important as them’.

**Space dad:** I’ve been working my ass off trying to get Sendak sacked and properly apprehended for the ever growing list of misconduct him and his croons have committed but I think all it’s going to leave me with is getting laughed at here and a bullet later.

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** is that the Fucker ??

**Space dad:** Yes it’s the Fucker

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** god damn i hate that guy

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** senDICK

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** we have cctv! and thats just for the one incident! not for the other countless shit him and his shitty possy have done

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** and i fucking Know he had some shit to do with you personally so like,, i double, even triple, hate him 

**Space dad:** It’s an abuse of power. it’s why the police force has such a bad name and why no one trusts us. That’s not why I became a policeman, that’s not who I am or what I stand for.

**Space dad:** If I lose my job over it, it’ll suck, but I can’t abide it. I can’t be a bystander.

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** it would also suck if it got u killed ngl?

**Space dad:** I was exaggerating.

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** hm

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** well this convo is Not done but my break is

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** alas we must part

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** i dont know why i didnt start this convo earlier. i couldve hit u with the good news like midday but no, im an asshole that can only text in the middle of the fucking night

**Space dad:** It’s my fault. I should’ve messaged you to let you know I’d landed, I don’t have an excuse other than that it slipped my mind.

**Space dad:** You know as well as I am that I’m a data whore.

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** i dont even know how you have 12g data and still manage to run your limit?? like? can you even get 12g? i mean 4g is standard. im on a healthy 8g. i think lance had the fabled 10g for a while but broke down after his fourth money crisis of the week.

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** basically how can you hold so much power and still crave more

**Space dad:** I have important emails to answer.

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** read: i spend my day scrolling through my facebook and twitter feed

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** ok i really need to go

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** ill be back soon get settled maybe have a nap or a shower or smthn idk

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** showering after being on a plane is nice i think

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** they make me feel dirty

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** okay bye for real 

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** (Purple Heart )

**Space dad:** <3

 

 **ill lure ya (to ur death) to Space dad (02:04)**  

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** wait u fuckr u replied on the gc

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** did u see my message and air me???

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** im actually offended as it was literally ‘have a safe flight let me know uve landed ok’

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** is it not enough to put my poor heart at ease

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** IM ON THE POLE IN FIVE AND SAKO IS TRYING TO TAKE MY PHONE BUT I AM MAD MISTER

 

**ill lure ya (to ur death) to Space dad (03:57)**

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** ok im not really mad

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** im actually kinda lonely now

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** its weird youre not here to offer to pick me up

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** its strange 

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** i like seeing you at the end of a long day 

**Space dad:** I couldn't agree more.

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** aw shiro

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** haha lookit me bein gay its like not even been a day

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** today has just been long

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** im tireddddd 

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** hows it in ur ends?

**Space dad:** Still cold. Still wet. Still not home.

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** hahaha aw come back its nice and warm still and you dont need a jacket

**Space dad:** I wish I could.

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** i wish u could too

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** do u reaaaaally need to train to be a policeman in dc

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** i think u were doin a perfectly fine job here

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** ok driving ill let you know when im home try and get some sleep x

**Space dad:** Get home safe x

 

**ill lure ya (to ur death) to Space dad (04:16)**

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** home x 

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** i think i really miss you lol

**Space dad:** I know I really miss you. Get some sleep.

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** you too (Purple Heart )


	2. its a no boy zone and no naan zone day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ill lure ya (to ur death): come on pidgey. even if you dont get anything it will be fun to just hang out??  
> pigwidgeon: ugh ok but if im awkward and uncomfortable its on ur head  
> ill lure ya (to ur death): hey its just us not boys and a bit of shopping how bad will it be  
> pigwidgeon: with you?? very bad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this has taken so long, have no excuse other than this fic hasnt been a top priority of mine and ive just left it alone for a while  
> thanks so much for all your wonderful comments, really motivated me to continue this crap which im secretly really excited abt writing

****man with the memes to Space family (Sparkles )(Milky Way ) (06:23)**  
**

**man with the memes:** ok guys so i may have fucked up slightly

**gay in space:** only slightly?

**man with the memes:** okay i had like a half zoot leftover that i had omw to work

**man with the memes:** and i was fine

**man with the memes:** until i wasnt

**man with the memes:** and walking was too much

**man with the memes:** but i was so close to work

**man with the memes:** so i pushed thru

**man with the memes:** then the hot sweat started

**man with the memes:** and then i was gagging

**man with the memes:** and started vomiting

**man with the memes:** while walking

**man with the memes:** not stopping just

**man with the memes:** vomiting and carrying in like a trooper

**man with the memes:** all my morning orange juice made its way back up

**man with the memes:** and i get thru the door and the whole place is glass so tenji has seen all of this okay

**man with the memes:** and hes just dying at the counter

**man with the memes:** and doesnt even ASK me if im okay hes just like

**man with the memes:** 'i dont think thats normal. to vomit while walking. you might want to see a doctor about that.'

**man with the memes:** and i just flip him the bird and collapse in a chair and my shift started a half hour ago and ive only just come to lol

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** fuck lance lol

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** weakling it was a halfsie

**man with the memes:** it was strong! and ive just woken up! im not a waker and baker like you

**man with the memes:** also you forget moving when high is the objectively the Worst

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** lol okay u wet donny

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** time for me to blaze up a blunt and laugh at ur shitty tolerance

**gay in space:** lura go back to sleep its 6am

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** oh i will

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** but i need to laugh at this and enjoy it properly

**man with the memes:** allura have i mentioned that i hate you

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** no actually

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** because you dont

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** you loooooove me

**man with the memes:** i hate you even more because its true

**man with the memes:** fuck yall im going to wash my face and get to fuckin workin

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** aight wasteman

 

**man with the memes to gay in space (06:47)**

**man with the memes:** you dont think i vomited up my meds do you

**gay in space:** i dont think so lol

**gay in space:** just chill youre cool

**gay in space:** do ur job come home then we can laugh at you and smoke more zoot

**man with the memes:** na this experience was traumatic

**man with the memes:** i might be quitting the circle g

**gay in space:** lol shut up

**man with the memes:** yeah lol i didnt think youd buy

**man with the memes:** to hell with quitting this experience was traumatic i need a spliff to calm me down

 

**ill lure ya (to ur death) to Space family (Sparkles )(Milky Way ) (09:21)**

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** im dying oh my god

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** my bed looks like a murder scene

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** like i actually am kind of impressed at the amount of blood ive expelled

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** shiddd i didnt even move when i had zoot earlier

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** how did i not notice looool

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** omfg i dont even have any pads

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** but shit man

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** no matter how much i smoke im still in pain and i cant even move to go and get painkillers because i think all the leftover blood if there even is any will just rush out of me like a fucken waterfall

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** i dont even know how im going to work tonight im just gonna have to shove like three jumbos up there to plug up all this

**man with the memes:** that was so graphic i feel sick

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** oh no what will i do a boy is grossed out by periods

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** pusSYBOI you dont even have to deal with it every month

**man with the memes:** i have three sisters i definitely dealt with it every month at home

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** excuse you are u the one who is in literal agony for up to a week with gross ass smelling blood coming from ur lady flower that you have to fuckin block up to stop all the gross ass blood from ruining your cute ass panties

**man with the memes:** okay ur in a bad mood im gonna go now

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** thats it run away weakling

 

**ill lure ya (to ur death) to red vs blue (09:32)**

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** fuck lance im on team keith

 

**ill lure ya (to ur death) created the group 'NO BOY ZONE (No Entry Sign ≊ Prohibited)' (09:35)**

**ill lure ya (to ur death) added real slim shae-dy to the group.**

**ill lure ya (to ur death) added pigwidgeon to the group.**

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** this gc is a long time coming being made. we have needed a no boy zone for a while

**real slim shae-dy:** most definitely. i do love them all but sometimes their conversations take a turn which i would rather not be privy to!

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** i say we need to start normalising Not Boy things on this chat like they are

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** WHAT DO WE WANT??

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** MORE AVAILABLE SAFER METHODS OF SANITARY PRODUCTS FOR ALL PEOPLE WHO REQUIRE THEM FREE OF CHARGE!! THEY ARE A HYGIENE NECESSITY!!

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** WHEN DO WE WANT IT??

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** NOW!!!

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** WHAT DO WE WANT??

**real slim-shaedy:** necessary transitioning drugs to be less expensive and more readily available to trans youth!! and for the whole stupid idea that genitalia=gender dies and people learn respect social and personal boundaries and not ask what youve got between your legs when you tell them you’re trans.

**real slim-shaedy:**!!!

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** WHEN DO WE WANT IT???

**real slim-shaedy:** NOW!!!!

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** WHAT DO WE WANT??

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** COME ON PID UR DOIN IT TOO

**pigwidgeon:** unisex public bathrooms

**pigwidgeon:** …

**pigwidgeon:** are you waiting for me to put the exclamation point

**pigwidgeon:** fine

**pigwidgeon:** !

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** WHEN DO WE WANT THEM??

**pigwidgeon:** last weekend when i needed to piss while we were at kmart but i ended up having a mini crisis bc i didnt know which room to go in and it really pissed me tf off and i was fucking busting

**pigwidgeon:** but yes

**pigwidgeon:** now

**pigwidgeon:** !

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** nice 1 not boys gotta keep our Fire burning

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** did u see what lance said earlier??

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** just because the boys outnumber us in this family doesnt mean they can sILENCE US

**pigwidgeon:** lance is an idiot and im not defending him but i think its just him talking out of his ass again and doesnt realise hes being fucking rude

**pigwidgeon:** he was raised in a house of girls and hes always been really good to me with the whole menstrual thing

**pigwidgeon:** he used to always carry a pack of tampons in his bag for me and his sisters when he lived at home

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** ah i kno lance isnt a bad guy hes just an idiot. im still gonna pull him up on it tho

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** and also that is very cute he should start doing that again but for us

**real slim shae-dy:** i mean, i do not menstruate but lance has offered me pads and stuff. and has asked me several times why i never seen to be on my period like the other not boys. its really very flattering, even if he’s just saying so.

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** babes trust me hes not hes just fucking oblivious

**real slim-shaedy:** but he is well aware that i am transgender?

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** tbh he probably just forgets. we all do.

**real slim-shaedy:** oh my goodness you guys. blushblush

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** aw i feel like a bitch now

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** im gonna message lance

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** oh yeah wait before i go

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** shae!! pidgeys too shy to say it but they love ur writing too xx

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** ur fanfics not ur artsy stuff like me

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** im sure they appreciate it all the same tho

**real slim shae-dy:** oh my goodness lol thank you so much pidge. a lot of hard work goes into all of my writings so positive feedback is simply delightful

**pigwidgeon:** you live to embarrass me dont you

**pigwidgeon:** youre welcome shae your writing is cool

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** i do love to embarrass you

 

**man with the memes to gay in space (09:36)**

**man with the memes:** oh shit i didnt mean to make allura mad

**man with the memes:** aaaah what do i do

**man with the memes:** i didnt mean it like that

**man with the memes:** i meant like !!! i saw how shitty it was for the girls!!! they look like the suck ass and there aint a whole lot to be done abt it!! ahh this was not the intended outcome!!!

**gay in space:** dude clam down

**gay in space:** just shoot her a text apologising and go and buy her some sanitary products

**gay in space:** she said she doesn’t have any pads

**man with the memes:** how much are pads i think i have 57 cents

**man with the memes:** not enough for chicken nuggets :(

**gay in space:** your finances depress me. and scare me a little.

**gay in space:** how are you alive.

**man with the memes:** very carefully

**man with the memes:** im gonna smile winningly and get hella tips wish me luck

**gay in space:** godspeed

 

**man with the memes to ill lure ya (to ur death) (10:02)**

**man with the memes:** ok im sorry about earlier.

**man with the memes:** i was raised with girls i think i know how bad they can get, for you guys, not me.

**man with the memes:** i shouldnt have been such a dick this morning and if theres anything i can do for you id be happy 2

**man with the memes:** foot in mouth sydrome uno how it is

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** i appreciate the apology. i was actually just about to message u

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** i apologise too. reading back on it they are really gross and im sorry i flew off the handle im just in pain and grouchy

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** not that thats an excuse

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** just dont be that annoying again lol

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** now bring me up some chocolate and go get me some tampons xxx

**man with the memes:** ur wish is my command princess xx

 

**ill lure ya (to ur death) to red vs blue (10:09)**

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** retract my earlier statement. love lance and am team blue all the way. sorry keith i do really love you too

**meet matte:** hes not on this chat you know

**meet matte:** you dont have to say that

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** still. i love my little gay Space son u guys need to be reminded now and then

 

**ill lure ya (to ur death) to NO BOY ZONE (No Entry Sign ≊ Prohibited)(11:27)**

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** lets do something to celebrate the formation of the chat

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** want to go shopping?

**pigwidgeon:** allura i work minimum wage

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** not expensive shopping. i mean charity stores nd thrift stores.

**real slim-shaedy:** i always find a gem! sounds fun

**pigwidgeon:** ew no i dont want to go outside the sun will hurt my fragile skin

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** come on pidgey. even if you dont get anything it will be fun to just hang out??

**pigwidgeon:** ugh ok but if im awkward and uncomfortable its on ur head

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** hey its just us not boys and a bit of shopping how bad will it be

**pigwidgeon:** with you?? very bad

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** ahaha ill bring a smoke to chill us out

**real slim-shaedy:** do not think about it too much, pidge. the place i usually go is ten dollars for one bag which you can fill as much as you can. as long as it closes you are able to purchase it.

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** oh yeah i know that place! east end thrift

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** aw those days. was like the first vtg warehouse i started shopping at when i got here.

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** ok if we go there ill bring my backpack with me just in case. if you see something you like let me know. its dirt cheap so you dont have to worry if you only wear it once?

**pigwidgeon:** okay okay. ill bring some cash with me. how big are the bags?

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** fairly big. we'll see how much stuff we have. its ok we'll deffo have $20 between us for a bigger bag if we need one, i'm bringing some of my tips. and if we have like one extra thing, the backpacks there.

**pigwidgeon:** allura!

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** hey its not really stealing

**pigwidgeon:** fgs. okay. ill go wash and put on pants?

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** yay! see u soon pidgey.

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** shae want us to pick u up?

**real slim-shaedy:** yes please! i too will start getting ready. i am excited to see you all!

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** im excited to see u too b xx

 

**ill lure ya (to ur death) to Space family (Sparkles )(Milky Way )(14:44)**

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** allurasangels.jpg

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** are we hot or ARE WE HOT

**man with the memes:** ON FUCKIN FIRE MY GS

**hunky dory:** TOO HOT

**hunky dory:** CAN’T HANDLE

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** who needs a s/o when youve got lance and hunk as your personal hypemen

**man with the memes:** not to dull the hype but why do yall look so hot and who took this radical photo

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** okay story time of the super cute day at east end thrift

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** right so today was a momentous occasion,

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** finally, after a long time coming, the no boy zone chat was born,,

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** to celebrate we went to get new outfits because life is a chick flick u just need to live it,, we look hot because we are hot but you just notice it more cos we got dank new garms and are posing provocatively

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** and we made friends with the woman working the tills today and she gave us this jumper and a pair of dungarees from the priced aisle for free (they dank truss lance u will LOVE them) so obvs, set tokes in return

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** and then she took this as u said, radical photo of us

**hunky dory:** Allura you can’t just go out and offer people weed in exchange for money

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** its been working just fine so far???

**man with the memes:** show me the dungarees!! can i borrow?

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** b i got them for u X they also dont fit pid so. ill leave them on ur bed are u at work

**man with the memes:** allura pls be my wife

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** ok no im keeping them

**man with the memes:** im sorry i dont even mean it

**man with the memes:** i just tried to imagine it but i was like no keiths my waifu

**man with the memes:** keith yahear uve topped allura even in my subconcious

**gay in space:** finally i can be put to rest

**gay in space:** bury me in satin

**man with the memes:** lay you down on a bed of roses??

**gay in space:** why the fUck are you like this

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** … i think?? this is ?? good? Not arguing? this is ? playful banter/?

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** maybe lance gave a compliment?

**man with the memes:** holy shit dude its like we can talk in code

**gay in space:** its because i’m slowly poisoning your system

**gay in space:** me replacing allura in your subconscious is only the beginning

**man with the memes:** best poison i ever had baby

**gay in space:** do you frequently try different poisons?

**man with the memes:** i still aint picked my poison tbh

**man with the memes:** bud, tequila, keith,,

**man with the memes:** theres just too many good choices

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** dont you dARE call bud a poison in my presence ever again

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** it is scientifically a medicine

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** alcohol is scientifically a poison

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** WHICH ONE IS LEGAL HM

**man with the memes:** true

**man with the memes:** so am i getting new dankgarees or na

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** u are getting new dankgarees if you admit im right alway and forever more, and you never question me ever again

**man with the memes:** allura i admit that freely ???

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** ha true

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** yall are fucking whipped

**man with the memes:** but yes u are right, always and forevermore, u are the queen of my life even if my subconscious has replaced u with keith, i wont ever displease u in any way or ever question ur impeccable judgement ever again,, ill be ur servant for eternity,,, even in death,,,,

**gay in space:** you heard it here folks this is the beginning of a cult

**gay in space:** alluras angels takes a darker turn

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** we use our stunningly good looks to enslave menkind

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** kind of like the amazonians but with more wlw

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** what am i talking about some amazonians were deffo gay

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** history is so gay

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** but no one admits it

**pigwidgeon:** isaac newton was gay

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** update: gravity is gay

**pigwidgeon:** update: science is gay

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** we already knew that

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** nasa stands for not any straights allowed

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** facts

 

**ill lure ya (to ur death) to Space family (Sparkles )(Milky Way )(18:54)**

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** ok fuck guys who has food

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** i thought i had a naan in the freezer but dissociative memory loss is a bitch

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** i fully went through the five stages of grief

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** denial. anger. bargaining. depression.

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** and finally acceptance

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** that i have no naan and no memory

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** unkie u didnt eat my naan did you

**coranasaurus rex:** i wouldnt dare

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** fuuuuk

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** is life even worth livin

**man with the memes:** allura its a bake at home naan they arent even that great

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** all naan is amazing shut the hell your mouth

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** dont im just thinking abt the best naan i ever had now

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** i used to work in this curry house when i was like 16 and they were like so nice to me and so good and i miss that job still

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** and the head chef used to make naan and hed always make an extra 'in case one went wrong' and id always get it and it was like the best naan in the world, cooked in the coal oven thing the traditional way, handmade and just

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** mmmmm

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** perfect

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** fuck okay i need naan im ordering a curry

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** indian anyone?

**man with the memes:** eh im down

**man with the memes:** hunkys not here to cook so why not

**man with the memes:** we finna order a pizza anyway

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** na curry is way better ill get u a jalfrezi?

**man with the memes:** bae

**man with the memes:** with chipati xx

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** of course??

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** im gonna get pilal all round??

**pigwidgeon:** ill bring up some uncle bens long grain i dont want pilal

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** and you want a korma ?? lol

**pigwidgeon:** im white, one look at me can cover that ground

**pigwidgeon:** i dont burn my tastebuds for fun okay

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** see i can imagine pidge being the kind to eat raw chilies out of the jar because someone said they couldnt??

**man with the memes:** oh no theyve done that

**pigwidgeon:** of course i have

**pigwidgeon:** but that doesnt mean i want my dinner to make me cry to prove a point

**pigwidgeon:** im paying money for this shit i want to enjoy it

**man with the memes:** we respect that wonderbread

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** keithy baby what u feeling??

**gay in space:** um veggie vindaloo? with extra mushroom?

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** MMMM

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** can i get a Scoop o dat

**gay in space:** course

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** im getting sides that well all like ite

**man with the memes:** pls no lura ill pay u the extra i want a bombay potato to myself pidge always fucking steals the potato and leaves me with the fucking juice

**pigwidgeon:** >:)

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** ite who else is home?? is it just us four??

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** thats really depressing somehow

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** unkie you want me to order you something for when youre home?

**coranasaurus rex:** No, thanks though. ill just get something on the way home. im not too big a fan of indian.

**man with the memes:** allura cover your eyes

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** blasphemy

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** whatever

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** okay so 2 pilal, 3 naan and 3 chipati, veggie vindaloo w extra mushroom, jalfrezi + bombay potate, chicken korma extra mild???

**pigwidgeon:** dont push it

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** okay so normal korma lol

**man with the memes:** can u even extra mild a korma

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** anyway im ordering now any last min requests?

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** oh wait wine ! red or white x

**gay in space:** red

**man with the memes:** white

**pigwidgeon:** i wont drink it so

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** sorry lance ur outvoted

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** okay me and keith got a bottle of red

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** pidge u want me to get u some beer?

**pigwidgeon:** eh why not

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** lance?

**man with the memes:** does the curryhouse sell cocktails xxx

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** hahaha

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** want me to get a bottle of white too? i wont turn down wine so you got someone to share with ;)

**man with the memes:** arent you working tonight?

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** and? youve seen how i move after a couple of drinks

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** ill be fine

**man with the memes:** im not worried about how well u will perform u dickhead

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** then zip it lol

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** brb on the phone getting yall asses food

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** who says we cant handle shit without the responsible ones around

 

****ill lure ya (to ur death) to Space family (Sparkles )(Milky Way ) (19:17)****

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** ugh ok i had another shower before work because uno like keepin clean skin stops spots and i need to do a new face etc etc

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** and idk maybe the fabric of the shit i bought wasnt good for me or because it hadnt been washed idk idk but im getting rashy

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** maybe its just hormones idkidkidk

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** no ooo nono okay cream and spliff cream and spliff

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** food here soon

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** positive thinking will keep rashes at bay

**gay in space:** allura

**gay in space:** thats not

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** no! positive thinking will keep rashes at bay

**gay in space:** okay

**gay in space:** anything we can do?

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** not make me stress out any more

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** lance keith you got any hemp oil or propolis ????

**man with the memes:** i got some argan

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** ah maybe i mean hair

**gay in space:** i have some aloe propolis cream its pretty dank

**gay in space:** you want some?

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** omfg yes baby i do but no

**gay in space:** why?

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** am allergic to aloe (Broken Heart )

**man with the memes:** wtf

**man with the memes:** allura

**man with the memes:** ur joking

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** i am! i used to aloe vera vaseline once and my lips like puffed up and got all swollen

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** it was like i had a bad lip job

**man with the memes:** omg my heart is actually breaking for you

**man with the memes:** aloe is my saviour

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** aaaughh okay whatever im gonna just bathe myself in emollient and THINK POSITIVELY

**man with the memes:** okay babes let us know if theres anything we can do

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** if you really love me youll go to town to that herbal store and buy me some propolis

**man with the memes:** allura i do really love you but that shits like $17 i dont have and thats not including the fare there

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** dude ill give you a score and keith can take you on his bike i just need my creams

**man with the memes:** whats the place called im just gonna check opening times

**man with the memes:** its like nearly eight

**man with the memes:** well rush if its still open of course

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** (Purple Heart ) (Purple Heart ) (Purple Heart )

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** ur lovely x and its called zen herbals !

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** if the dinners here while youre gone we wont start without you

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** keep it in the oven to stay nice n warm

**man with the memes:** ur lovely x

**man with the memes:** shop doesnt close for another half hour! keith boi we on a mission!!

**gay in space:** sweet i’ll get the bike ready you go grab the money i’ll get us there by half past

**man with the memes:** keith its 17 past

**gay in space:** no way

**gay in space:** i’ll get us there by 25 past if you hurry tf up

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** STAY SAFE!

 

**man with the memes to Space family (Sparkles )(Milky Way )(19:38)**

**man with the memes:** oh my god

**man with the memes:** victory is ours

****man with the memes** :** mengetshitdonesometimes.jpg

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** guys i luv u thank u  (Purple Heart )

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** u even got the right brand!!! im!!

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** okay hurry back food isnt even here yet but like

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** this is a time sensitive thing i can already feel the hives

**gay in space:** haven’t you put on ur prescribed stuff?

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** UR NOT A RASH PERSON YOU WONT UNDERSTAND

**gay in space:** okay?

 

**man with the memes to **ill lure ya (to ur death) (20:02)****

**man with the memes:**  allura the foods here 

**man with the memes:**  u want some?

**ill lure ya (to ur death):**  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**man with the memes:**  im gonna take that as a maybe?

**ill lure ya (to ur death):**  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**man with the memes:**  okay well we wont start eating without ya

 

****ill lure ya (to ur death) to** Space family (Sparkles )(Milky Way )(20:29)**

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** ooooh my god its like mother natures tryna make me kms

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** lookatme.jpg

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** @god why

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** is the unbearable pain and blood not enough

**man with the memes:** allura its not that deep u look as amazing as always

**pigwidgeon:** i tried talking to her but she just squirted emollient in my face and told me prescribed shit is bullshit

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** i have tWO THINGS

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** TWO THINGS

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** every Rash person has their creams

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** aND I CANT EVEN GET THEM

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** beCAUSE WE ARENT AT HOME AND A LUSH OR BODY SHOP ISNT ROUND THE CORNER

**gay in space:** did we get the cream to you too late?

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** no babies thank u sm no its just the propolis is a substitute for my Actual creams

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** hemp oil is sort of a sub too because i usually get this thick body butter which is way nicer idk but anyway its working yes but im like past the point of having clear skin for the night xxxx basically you helped but my skin is already too far gone

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** i hate hormones lol xx hey body can u not freak out over something yOU GODDAMN PRODUCE ALL BY URSELF

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** lyfe is hard

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** when ur a rashy brit

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** tryna live the american dream

**gay in space:** poetic

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** thanks imagine that in an edgier font in a text box over a photo of me itching my shitty skin but in an artsy way and with soft lighting

**gay in space:** art

**real slim-shaedy:** o allura i saw your post on insta! i really liked it keep it up :)

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** omg shae  (Purple Heart )

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** ty its dumb and pretentious but so am i so

**real slim-shaedy:** you definitely aren't but im glad you're sharing your work!

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** aw shaedy

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** but fr guys help

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** like its all round my eyes

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** its not even a look like its red and peeling and fucking sore as shit

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** how can i go to wooork

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** what is my lifeee

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** cant even proconceal up this bitch or itll go like beserko on meeee

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** can i dance with a bag over my head pls

**man with the memes:** what if you put glitter on it ??

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** like i mean

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** that's probably a terrible idea realistically

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** but

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** it'll probably do less damage than the concealer?

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** i could mix it in with my propolis

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** and i mean eyelash glue fucks up my skin anyway so if i use my thick ass ones i can make up for the fact i dont have jack on my eyes?????

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** lance???

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** i think?? maybe ??

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** you have saved my life???

**gay in space:** or you could just not go to work

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** what kind of world are you living in where you can just take a night off of work and not suffer the consequences financially

**gay in space:** touche

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** okay gonna go glitter away all the ugly

**Space dad:** I don’t see anything ugly.

**gay in space:** SMOOTH

**man with the memes:** damn he got there before i could

**man with the memes:** lies i totally let him have it

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** aw u guys

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** but still brb

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** u can start eating without me im feeling gross and need to sort myself i dont wanna eat yet

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** i might just have it when i get back from work

**gay in space:** that’s cool, maybe eat a little before you go though?

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** ill have a naan

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** thats all i really want

**man with the memes:** okay b

**man with the memes:** well save you a bit of everything and leave it all in the oven for you x

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** i luv youse i do

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** now bye for like ten

 

**ill lure ya (to ur death) to Space family (Sparkles )(Milky Way )** **(20:59)**

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** howdoilook.jpg

**man with the memes:** HOLY SHIT ALLURA

**man with the memes:** OH MY GOD YOU LOOK FUCKING

**man with the memes:** LIKE

**man with the memes:** AN ALIEN FAIRY GODDESS

**gay in space:** seconded you look amazing

**gay in space:** stop eating hot

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** lool aw bbys ty ok gonna setting spray this bitch n pray it stays

**gay in space:** are you going to be alright tonight?

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** ugh no but i mean ill deal

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** i feel like shit but i mean i do every fuckin day so whats the difference

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** im driving to work fuck walking or moving or anything ever

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** uGHHHHHHHH

**gay in space:** want me to take u n pick u up?

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** keith u sweetheart

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** dw u finish ur food n get some sleep

**gay in space:** shut up i’m getting my keys

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** no stop im being whiney im fine

**gay in space:** you’d do it for us

**gay in space:** go enjoy ur naan, there’s a spliff i rolled but you can have it since am driving and i’m not you

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** keith please actually be my son

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** i really want you to take care of me in my old age

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** youd never put me in a home

**man with the memes:** are you implying i would??

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** no!! but you got marie to take care of

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** omg na i can move in with marie to take care of her when really its just you two doing all our shit for us while we laugh with a glass of wine in one hand and a spliff in the other

**gay in space:** when we gotta leave by?

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** whats the time

**gay in space:** like ten past nine

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** fuck aye

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** no rush babs 

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** u sure u dont want that spliff

**gay in space:** i'm not you allura! you enjoy it

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** but ur my SON keith

 

**ill lure ya (to ur death) to Space dad (01:04)**

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** ur bro is gr8

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** i mean i knew keith was amazing anyway but god damn u did a good job raising him

**Space dad:** We did have a father, Allura

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** ik but i also know he learnt his sense of justice and compassion from you so

**Space dad:** He learnt who he was all by himself, don’t give me the credit. He’s become such an amazing kid all on his own.

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** u guys are actually the cutest thing tbh

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** ur his world

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** hes ur world

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** love good sibling relationships its so nice

**Space dad:** You’re an only child, right?

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** yeah haha

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** i mean i had my sisters but growing up was kind of a bummer?

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** they all had little brothers and older sisters and i felt like a bit

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** idk excluded?

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** couldnt complain about younger siblings coming into the bed at 2am after a bad dream

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** or share sexy tips id learnt from an older sis

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** didnt have a big brother to beat up shitty exes for me

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** i guess i really feel like i missed out on having other people tied to me by something that feels really unshakable

**Space dad:** Keith isn’t my biological brother, you know that. Biology and blood don’t make family, isnt that what you’re always spouting?

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** yeah and i do believe it !! wholeheartedly yall are my family

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** but idk its just a sore spot ?? its weird

**Space dad:** That’s alright. I don’t really know what to say to make you feel better though, as I am someone who has a great relationship with my sibling.

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** thats alright u goof

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** i dont expect u to have something on hand to make me feel better all the time x

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** thanks for listening to me lol

**Space dad:** That is absolutely no problem at all, I am always all ears for your tragic backstories.

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** ur cute

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** hows ur day been

**Space dad:** Ah, not as bad as I initially expressed. We had shooting and fitness today, so it was actually fun. But the shitty part starts tomorrow.

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** good old skeet shooter or more like the mib shoot range

**Space dad:** MIB, but Coulson broke out the skeet at the end of the day.

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** did u shoot the little white girl?

**Space dad:** No, but I accidentally shot the old woman trying to cross the street. Don’t know how I’m going to look myself in the eye anymore.

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** im sure youll manage to lift that weight off of your conscience

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** who knows, she couldve been wanted for a series of murders spanning from 1972 to 89 that went cold after no new leads

**Space dad:** I always knew she was suspicious.

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** lool okay im nearly done so ill speak to you soon ok

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** ur cute lil bro is staying up to give me a ride home cos i feel like a toilet brush

**Space dad:** Good man, doing my job when I can’t.

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** ur job is saving lives not giving me rides

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** yall forget i can drive

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** now go get some rest and do ur actual job x

 

****ill lure ya (to ur death) to gay in space (03:56)****

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** keefy baby im leavin now!

**gay in space:** i’m the hot stud on a bike waiting outside

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** hahaha aw keith ily tysm

**gay in space:** its no problem lura

**gay in space:** hurry up ur coworkers are giving me eyes

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** is one of them a redhead

**gay in space:** yeah

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** hahaha keith can i smooch u bc i just wanna piss off lula

**gay in space:** no tongue

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** keeeeith

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** im dead okay ive got my stuff

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** just a smooch baby

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** shes seen you at the club before and she doesnt know ur a mega gay and she always asks about you so i just wanna annoy her because its lula

**gay in space:** ur such a mature adult

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** yeah well shes a bitch

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** want to have a 420 w me when we back?

**gay in space:** is that even a question

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** keith ur the best space son uno that

 

**ill lure ya (to ur death) to gay in space (04:36)**

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** thank u baby  (Purple Heart )(Purple Heart )

**gay in space:** its no problem lol

**gay in space:** i’m not working till 3 tomorrow anyway

**gay in space:** nice lay in

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** are u in safe?x

**gay in space:** yes lance doesn’t lock his fuckin door

**gay in space:** hunks still not back so there’s no chance the door won’t be open

**gay in space:** lo and behold

**gay in space:** open sesame

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** hahaha okay give lance a forehead smooch from me then tell him to wake up and give u a forehead smooch from me then both yall asses fall tf asleep

**gay in space:** will do haha u get some sleep too space mum (Heavy Black Heart ≊ Red Heart)

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** KEITH  (Purple Heart )(Purple Heart )(Purple Heart )(Purple Heart )

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** gn space son sleep well

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always thanks for reading ! if u like im so glad !! if u dont thats cool too !!! just hope these dumbshits could make u smile :)

**Author's Note:**

> place ur bets people!!!


End file.
